Day 519: Don't Get Cocky Kid

Turned 40, got ill, got even more ill, just about climbed out of it and descended into a spiral of work stress triggering illness, triggering work stress, triggering illness. Blah blah blah. Suffice to say, apart from a bit of EVE Farmville I haven't been in space that much, or felt like writing about it that much.

But lo, what light through yonder window breaks, it is a three day weekend and EVE is the sun.

Nervous about flying in low sec I approach it witl all the trepidation of a part time EFT warrior. ie. No trepidation at all. This plus a few experiments with a Federation Navy Comet has convinced me to bling it up on the Assault Frigates and go hunting for tags.

I get my tag, dicking around in a low sec hole somewhere down the Trail of Tears (as my fellow Braves call the Barleguet to Stacmon pipe). 25 million for a single tag seems a lot until you remember that the rat has scram capability and you must furiously pump the Dscan button in an effort to convince yourself that a) no one is coming and b) you are a super brave EFT warrior who is better than downloading X Rebirth.

I fail at both when a Stay Frosty pilot hits the system in a Vigilant which presumably could web me down to  a snails pace. The fear would have been more manageable had I not been in the throes of realising that the Comet, tank aside, is a far superior ship to any shitty Assault Frigate bar the Enyo. Pass me a dual prop Comet and I'm good to go. Even it's police ship nature helps though I doubt the last Serpentis Clone Soldier Negotiator deserved to have the words "Well done sonny, you're nicked" shouted at it from the other side of a monitor in the UK. Poor old Serpentis. Pay attention. When I set the lads on you, don't focus on them because it means in thirty seconds I'm going to let rip with Neutron Blasters up your arse.

I graduate from the Comet to Assault Frigates. I'm trying out the Retribution and the Enyo. Today is the Retribution. Space bling equipped with the hilarity of endless normal ammo and T2 ammo that has ranges that are frankly beyond "OP". I pity the fool who tries to kite this thing in a T1 frigate.

Soaring from the victory I have time to investigate the Incursus that has been cropping up on Dscan in my journey between the belts. He's not in a station, he's not at a planet and, as far as I can tell, not at any belt. I drop into the nearest Serpentis anomaly and sure enough , there is my Incursus. Happily wailing away at the rats, undoubtedly dual rep fit to be doing so well, it's unfortunate that overheated t2 pulse lasers on Conflagration will go through him like a hot (yet seemingly oddly slow) knife through butter. The Serpentis happily wail on us both but only I leave the 'plex in a ship.

I don't feel the need to even try for the pod. I don't actually see the point of getting a pod. I let it roll home and tap out a salute to the pilots repping. The Incursus and the dual rep fit is an old favourite of mine. The pilot docks up without a word and logs off. Suddenly I realise I've looked too long into the Abyss. I'm that guy that warped in an killed me so long ago. I'm the devil. What manner of being have I become? Is this natural for low sec space living? Have I become hardened and bitter (more so than even in real life). Should I question this, or should I question my ego which, somewhere behind me, is doing the Carlton from Fresh Prince dance and singing "Solo kill, solo kill, solo kill".

I tracked a ship down through dscan and knowledge, leapt in without thought of risk and laser beamed someone to atoms. I have another beer.

This turns out to be the most hilarious bad idea ever.

I head to a station to pick up my Enyo for the next round of trials and find myself camped into the station by war targets. An efficient combination of fast tackle and close range battleship is making it all but impossible to leave. What luck then that I have a Brutix here that I fit back in the days when I hit Battlecruiser III. It'll survive the onslaught, check the situation and just dock up. That is of course unless giddy victory fuelled adrenaline should  lead me to hit the weapons. That won't happen. Actually.....

It'd be hard to top this Feat of Fail with something, let alone performed seconds later but I can do this. When the situation calls for fail. See me.

My solution to getting my pod out is to dock up at the station they are both camping. The station isn't going to let me in. I know this. Good job I am hammering the Dock button. That'll make things go faster. Yes sir. We are all in attendance at Amazeballs Brain University. I'll have to step it up and get into Zoolander's school next time.

The TL;DR?

Assault Frigate hull plus fit : 35 mill
Negotiator plus rats plus loot : 36 mill
Dual Rep Incursus : 3 mill of loot plus a 10 mill kill
Daft Brutix fit: 60 mill
Pod : 60 mill

Gross: Zero minus a fuck ton of ISK

Profit: more wealth than you can imagine.

Don't rush back into EVE. Exuberance leads to enthusiasm, enthusiam leads to mistakes, mistakes lead to podding. Nah. Rush back and laugh at your mistakes. If there is one thing I've learned from the Brave it's to post your losses faster than you post any kill. They're more interesting.

I was laughing and back at the undock within five minutes in a speedy Algos designed to fuck over the tackle. They'd buggered off by then, of course. Irritating. Yet somehow I'd forgotten quite how bad I'd felt about jumping someone harmlessly farming a Serpentis site. That was way, way, way back in the past by now. At least an entire hour.

PS are there any groups out there for ancient EVE players like myself.

PPS revealing my age has just probably ruined any chance of chatting up Arianne Stone at any future EVE meet up. (That and the fact that I was 'hilariously' drunk last time we met). I'm joking. Mostly. 7o Miss Stone.

EVE Track of the Day
Get Lucky - Daft Punk ft Pharell Williams



PS PS

[Federation Navy Comet, Solo Tag Roamer]
Damage Control II
Magnetic Field Stabilizer II
Magnetic Field Stabilizer II
Small Ancillary Armor Repairer, Nanite Repair Paste

1MN Afterburner II
Faint Epsilon Warp Scrambler I
Limited 1MN Microwarpdrive I

Light Neutron Blaster II, Void S
Light Neutron Blaster II, Void S
Small 'Knave' Energy Drain

Small Ancillary Current Router I
Small Ancillary Current Router I
Small Hybrid Collision Accelerator I

Hobgoblin II x3
Warrior II x3

(yes, I had Genolutions in. Turn off the neut ffs)